the time I need to say goodbye

I always felt you most certainly didn't like me

Didn't love me

I held my breath many times when you were around

Trying to stop time, trying to keep those moments and those memories and those feelings

And those scents and the sound of your voice and laugh

And those times when your real laugh would fill the room 

I held my breath whenever I was looking at you and you didn't notice because you were so beautiful

So amazingly unaware of how you deserved so much and got so little 

-despite of how that broke us apart and pushed us away so much-

I held my breath when you would not want to wake up

And asked me for 5 more minutes

Five minutes that I could spend seeing your face 

Sleeping, in peace,

Next to me

I always thought you must not love me 

Until you actually did

And every previous doubt felt so stupid

Now I know what's like to not be loved by you, and it's crystal clear

I still think you should have made me know better

But now I that I get to see you not loving me 

Everything feels so big, and so small

And I need to say these words so I can take out everything

So I can actually get out all the pain and love and sadness and despair and hate and hopes 

And myself

The one I also say goodbye too 

I have to say goodbye too

The one that loved you, and would pick you every time 

Because you were bigger than the whole sky and you didn't know 

And I was chasing in vain.

As my breakup hero says

There will be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you.

Let me say goodbye to this, and do nothing else

Because it feels like I need a whole life to do so

Maraya